The dreadful things you do every day that kill your social life.
Charisma is the ability to charm people into your way of thinking without even having to use logic. Let’s get real, who wouldn’t want to have that kind of spell over people? Not just the people you know but the people all around you that you interact with on a daily basis.
Leaders and all people of influence possess a great level of charisma. This is why they are able to start social movements to be the force of good e.g. Dalai lama or a force of evil, Adolf Hitler. All this people had developed an idyllic level of charisma.
Now that you know how important charisma is in everyday life. What things are you doing in your day to day activities that flat out kill your charisma? Let’s get down to the nitty gritty details.
1. Not proactively introducing yourself. Maintain eye contact, introduce yourself.
Most of the time, you walk into a party or crowd of people who are actively involved in a conversation. So as most of us do, we simply quietly join the group without introducing ourselves or saying hello. This not only makes the conversation henceforth awkward for the entire crowd but also passes the message of unfriendliness.
When you walk into any conversation between two or more people. Actively introduce yourself. Say hello, say your name (if some/all the people don’t know you). You can say something like, ‘hi, I’m John/Sarah. I just wanted to introduce myself…’ then you can either join in the conversation or flat out listen.
2. Failure to introduce your friends/companion.
You see a group of people you know while you are out with your friend Patrick and you walk over and strike a conversation with them while Patrick is left out hanging on the flanks not knowing whether to leave or stay. Then your friends are stuck between saying hello or ignoring him like he isn’t there. This is just plain wrong.
If you have a companion and you see people you know, go ahead and say hello to them and introduce your friends to your companion. It should be something along the lines of, ’hey guys, meet my friend Patrick, Patrick this are my friends Josh and Jane.’ This breaks the ice between your friends and your companion.
3. Talking about things no one cares about.
So, what if you went to Disney land. Or you won your psychoanalysis test. Who cares?? As long as you are talking about things that only you care about, you are killing your charisma. People will just be wondering when you are going to finish talking. It’s so boring and selfish.
What you should do is talk about a subject that the person/ people you are talking to find interesting. Don’t go to a political group then start talking about engineering of the latest model of android phones. Or start talking to a woman you met at a concert about the latest aeronautical development in growth of the explosion capsule of the rocket engine. It just doesn’t work.
You don’t go for fishing with strawberry because it’s what you like, you get the fish interested with bait they love. Apply the same principle with people. Don’t talk about what you love, talk about what they love and you will be viewed as more charismatic.
4. Not soliciting feedback. Continuously being the key talker.
Being a train talker is so boring and pushes even the most patient people up against a wall. People who talk continuously and don’t give the listener a chance to give feedback leave the listener pressured and bored.
Stop continuously talking, rumbling on and on like a train. Pause, interact with your listener by asking their opinion. A conversation is not a one-way street, it’s a game of give and take.
5. Trailing off mid-speech or mumbling.
Nothing annoys people more than people who start speaking then midway, lower their volume to a point you can’t hear what they are saying or start mumbling incoherently.
If you make it a choice to speak, speak with confidence.
6. Answering questions with single words.
This is another conversation killer. If you respond to a question in a conversation with just one or two words. You create awkward silences because it leaves the other party no information to go along with to continue the conversation. A conversation that revolves around one worded responses cultivates bad feelings and feels like a questionnaire.
Actively respond to questions with three or more sentences and it will create a lot of room to expand that conversation to new horizons.
And then there are those people who love to complain about anything and everything in life. Negativity sucks the life out of everything. And no one wants to be around negative people. If you are one, people will avoid you like plague.
Cultivate positivity in your life and it will attract people to you like a magnet. Whining and complaining is for losers. Do you want to be labelled one?
8. Not remembering a person’s name.
This is a big insult to anyone you’ve met before. No matter how busy you are, put in the effort to remember a person’s name. it’s a subtle compliment to them.
Repeat it after they tell you their name, repeat it during the conversation and say it when you are saying goodbye. It will help.
9. Lacking principles by trying to fit in instead of being yourself and standing out.
All charismatic people have standards, it’s not enough to just be charismatic. You need to have principles, moral, rules and standards you don’t let yourself sink below. This not only earns you a following but also earns you respect.
Be yourself. Have standards.