MY GUIDING LIGHT.
I was never the kind to believe in fairytales or blessings, the devil or heaven.
I never thought of life to be of much value.
I never thought of spirits and never believe in angels.
I read we sprouted from a cell and that there was no superior being.
Arising from a cell, it was therefore no surprise when i felt confined, bound by my thinking.
It came to no surprise that i started copying all that i thought cool and whats new, after all i was taught we came from apes, so it was only natural i adopted the phrase, “monkey see, monkey do.”
Like a shoe too small, i didn’t fit.
I longed to be accepted, a sense of belonging, to be wanted.
I longed to live a life with purpose, a life with meaning.
I was told that angels walk the earth, that each of us have a Guardian angel.
But it was inconcievable for me to believe,
How could there be someone out there who cared for me?
Some even said there was someone’s son who walked this earth and did for me.
That couldn’t be.
I was told he could fill the void in my heart with love and give my life new meaning.
I heard to talk to him, all i need to do was bend my knees.
And so I did.
For the first time, I prayed, I believed.
Nothing happened, or so it seemed.
Then when my life was most bleak,
I met you.
That beautiful smile won over my heart.
I didn’t believe in love at first sight,
Look at that beautiful smile, those lovely eyes, that sweet laugh.
Your charming personality, you truly must be a prize.
Your parents must be very proud.
From the first time i saw you, you were a trophy, a prize.
Days turned to weeks spent together.
Piece by piece, you taught me to love myself.
Each passing day, you taught me hope and faith.
You taught me to believe and recieve Him into my heart.
You encouraged me to read the bible.
You taught me of Christ and his unfailing, unending love.
Truly heaven sent, just for me.
A few months on,
I notice you don’t laugh as hard as you used to.
You don’t chase me as fast as you used to.
You get tired a lot quicker.
Your body is getting thinner, physically weaker.
The doctor’s diagnosis makes our future a lot bleaker.
My wishes, hopes and dreams of being with you, crushed.
My future with you dramatically shortened.
What will i do?
How would your parents feel?
How will your siblings feel?
How will your friends feel?
What will I do without you by my side?
I was once again, hurt, broken, torn apart.
So selfish of me,
How did you feel?
You seemed unshaken, strong, that beautiful smile always lighting up your face.
How could you be so calm?
It’s almost like you knew it was time.
The weeks that followed were the best I have ever had.
With you I had the best times.
You taught me to live everyday like it was my last.
You taught me happiness is a choice, that it isnt about everything being perfect, but seeing beyond the imperfections.
You taught me that life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.
I remember our last time together,
You lying right there, loved ones all around.
Your breathing strained and shallow.
You look into my eyes and say,
“Take care, always do your best, aim to be your best and never stop growing everyday. I love you all, we will meet yet again.”
A soft sigh, one last smile, you whisper,
God wrote in the book of life, you shall rise, you shall inspire and closed it saying, too beautiful for life.
From dust we rise, to dust we return.
Some say you are too painful to remember,
I say you are too precious to forget.
All the memories in my heart remind me of the sweet times you left behind.
If I could reach up to the sky and hold a star for every time you made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.
Across the years,
You walked with me as I conquered my fears and chased my dreams, you taught me how to live.
Now you time on this Earth is done.
I hope that in heaven you will hold my hand teach me how to fly, because all my life, you have been that angel in disguise.
Now I lay you down to sleep,
I pray to the Lord your soul to keep.
Within his arms, he’ll hold you tight,
My heavenly angel, my guiding light.
Gone yet not forgotten, your spirit lives within me, forever in my heart.
Composed by Rousah Villah.